Most people put this conversation off. They wait until they’re at the end of themselves, then raise it badly, and it goes worse than it needed to. A conversation you’ve thought about for twenty minutes beforehand goes markedly better than one you improvise while upset.
This guide covers the four decisions worth making before you walk in: your style, your method, your content, and your plan if it doesn’t land.
1. Choose your communication style
There are three styles people fall into. Only one of them works, but it’s worth understanding all three — because knowing why the other two fail is what stops you drifting into them.
Passive
Hinting, apologising, minimising. “Sorry, I know everyone’s busy — it’s not a big deal, ignore me.”
| Advantages | Disadvantages |
|---|---|
| Avoids conflict in the moment | Your supervisor genuinely doesn’t register there’s a problem |
| Feels safe, especially if you’re new | Nothing changes, so the pressure keeps building |
| No risk of seeming difficult | Resentment builds quietly and often comes out later as anger |
| You’ve used up the conversation without getting anything from it |
The trap: it feels like you raised it. You didn’t. You mentioned it.
Aggressive
Blaming, demanding, exaggerating. “This is ridiculous. Nobody in this team does anything and I’m carrying all of it.”
| Advantages | Disadvantages |
|---|---|
| It definitely gets attention | The conversation becomes about your behaviour, not your workload |
| It’s clear something is wrong | Your supervisor gets defensive and stops listening |
| Sometimes gets a fast short-term result | It damages the relationship you need for next time |
| Overstated claims get picked apart, and your real point gets lost with them | |
| It can breach the Code of Conduct |
The trap: it usually comes from having been passive too long. The pressure has to go somewhere.
Assertive
Clear, specific, respectful. You state the facts, say what you need, and leave room for the other person to respond. “I want to flag something about my workload. Since I picked up reception cover I’ve made two errors in the month-end pack, which isn’t normal for me. I think it’s the interruptions. Can we look at the cover arrangement?”
| Advantages | Disadvantages |
|---|---|
| Your supervisor understands the actual problem and can act | It takes preparation — you have to know what you’re asking for |
| It’s specific, so it’s hard to dismiss | It can feel uncomfortable, particularly the first time |
| It respects both of you — no blame, no grovelling | You might still get a no. It improves the odds; it isn’t a guarantee |
| It protects the relationship for the next conversation |
Assertive is the one to use. In practice it means: facts not accusations, “I” not “you”, one clear ask, and a genuine question at the end.
Compare the same message three ways:
| Style | Sounds like |
|---|---|
| Passive | ”It’s fine, I’ll manage. Sorry to bring it up.” |
| Aggressive | ”You’ve dumped reception on me and now you’re blaming me for the errors.” |
| Assertive | ”The reception cover is affecting the pack. Two errors in three weeks, when I don’t normally make them. Can we talk about how to cover the desk?“ |
2. Choose your method
How you raise it matters as much as what you say. See the Communication Policy for the general principles.
| Method | Best for | Watch out for |
|---|---|---|
| Face-to-face one-to-one | Anything sensitive or complicated. You see the reaction and can respond to it. The default for wellbeing. | Needs a booked time and a private space — not the desk, not the corridor |
| Booked meeting in the calendar | Making sure it actually happens and they’re prepared | Give the invite a plain title. “Quick catch-up” is fine; you don’t have to publish your business |
| Regular one-to-one | Raising something early, before it’s a crisis | It can get squeezed by other agenda items — say up front you have something to raise |
| Phone or video call | Remote or hybrid days, or if face-to-face feels like too much | You lose some of the body language on phone |
| Teams chat | Asking for the conversation. Good for “can we find fifteen minutes this week?” | A poor place to have the conversation itself — it’s easy to misread tone |
| A short heads-up, or confirming what you agreed afterwards | Never for the conversation itself. It’s a permanent record read without your tone | |
| Through People & Culture | When it isn’t a conversation you can have with your supervisor | Try the direct route first unless there’s a reason not to — ext. 4100 |
For most wellbeing conversations: ask by Teams or in your one-to-one, have it face-to-face in a private room, confirm the outcome by email. The email matters — it’s what you both check in three weeks’ time.
3. Plan your content
Rough shape, about fifteen minutes:
- Say what it’s about, in one sentence. “I want to talk about my workload over the last month.” Don’t bury it — people relax once they know what’s coming.
- Give the facts. What’s happening, since when, how often. Specific beats dramatic every time.
- Include the positives. What’s working, what you’d want to keep. This isn’t politeness — it tells your supervisor what not to take away, and it shows you’re describing the situation rather than campaigning.
- Name the effect, plainly. On your work, and on you. “Two errors in the pack” and “I’m not sleeping well the night before month-end” are both legitimate.
- Make one clear ask — or two options. “Could Declan take the desk on Tuesdays?” is easy to say yes to. “Something needs to change” isn’t.
- Then stop talking and listen. You’re asking, not announcing. They may know something you don’t.
- Agree what happens next, and who does what by when.
Work out beforehand what a good outcome looks like, and what you’d settle for. Know which parts are yours to fix — see What affects your wellbeing at work — and say so. It shows you’re not just handing them the problem.
4. Plan for a negative response
This is the step people skip, and it’s the one that decides whether the conversation is worth having. Assume you might get a no, and decide now how you’ll handle it — because it’s much harder to think clearly in the moment.
Negative responses usually come in a few flavours:
“Everyone’s busy at the moment.” Don’t argue the comparison — you’ll lose and it’s beside the point. Come back to your specifics: “I understand. What I’m concerned about is the errors — that’s new for me, and I’d rather sort it before month-end.”
“This is just what the job is.” Ask about scope rather than pushing back: “That’s fair for a normal month. Is the reception cover a permanent part of the role now, or is it while Maria’s on leave? It changes how I’d plan for it.”
“You should be able to manage this.” Stay factual, don’t get defensive: “I’ve managed the pack for six months without errors. What changed is the desk cover. I’m not saying I can’t do the job — I’m saying this combination isn’t working.”
Dismissed, or the conversation gets cut short. Don’t escalate on the spot. “I don’t think we’ve got time to do this properly now. Can we book twenty minutes this week?”
A no with a reason. Sometimes the answer is a genuine no — the cover has to happen and there’s nobody else. Then move to what can change: “If the desk cover has to stay, can the pack deadline move to Wednesday, or can someone else check it?”
The general principles:
- Don’t retaliate and don’t collapse. Aggressive burns the relationship; passive means you wasted the conversation. Stay assertive even when they’re not.
- Ask a question rather than defending yourself. “What would you suggest?” or “What am I missing?” turns it back into a problem you’re solving together.
- Have a fallback ask. If the big thing is a no, what’s the smaller thing you’d take?
- Get it in writing. Send a short email after: what you raised, what was agreed or declined. Not to build a case — so nobody’s memory has to do the work.
- Know the next step. If it’s genuinely not resolved, you can raise it with People & Culture (ext. 4100) or use the Grievance Resolution process. You are not stuck with a no, and you’re not being difficult by saying so.
Also plan for the response you didn’t expect: a supervisor who agrees straight away and asks what you need. If you haven’t thought about what you’d actually ask for, you’ll waste it.
5. Review how it went
A few days later, ask yourself honestly:
- Did they understand what I was raising? Could they repeat it back?
- Did I stay assertive, or drift into apologising or blaming?
- Was the method right — did I get enough time and privacy?
- Did I get an outcome, and is it actually happening?
- What would I do differently next time?
Then check the outcome held. An agreement nobody follows up on quietly expires. If it hasn’t happened in a few weeks, a short “how are we going with the desk cover?” is a completely reasonable thing to send.
If the conversation left you flat, or it’s bigger than work, the Wellbeing Support Policy sets out what else is available — including the EAP, which is free, confidential and doesn’t go through your supervisor at all.